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Democratic Front Runners Appear To Form One Giant Candidate: Threaten To 'Smash Puny' Human Candidates Thu, May 29 2003 Posted: 12:46 EST (1746 GMT) CONCORD NH -- Described by witnesses as middle-aged, 'yearbook handsome', with really good hair and wearing what appeared to be the remnants of navy blue suit pants, a fifteen foot tall white male was spotted in McMurray's Big-n-Tall off I-93 near Manchester, NH late yesterday afternoon. The individual declined to provide a name. However, he described himself as the former governor of southern state, a serving U.S. Senator as well as a two-tour Vietnam veteran with strong grassroots support.

Demurring that he was at best 'partially announced' other comments reported by witnesses suggest the individual was in fact a contender (or possibly contenders) for the Democratic Presidential Nomination.

The apparently consolidated candidate purchased several dress shirts and silk ties using cash. A salesman attempted to fit him with what were described as several conservative business suits. Unfortunately, owing to his generally trim if somewhat magnified build, he was unable to pair up with any of the stock which is in fact largely geared towards fat as opposed to genuinely tall men.

The outsized and somewhat surly candidate mysteriously refused to comment on most of the current popular horses in the Democratic race. However when asked about Sen. Joseph Lieberman, the candidate vociferously responded, "Smash puny Joe!"

Or at least this reporter chooses to believe he said "Joe" although witnesses reports indicate that his remarks were in fact only partially intelligible.


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© 2003 Standard Times Tribune Ltd.