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Ashcroft Proposes New Alert Color, Undrapes Statue In Desperate Bid For Attention Fri, Jun 13 2003 Posted: 10:38 EST (1538 GMT), WASHINGTON DC -- Feeling neglected by a Pentagon centered press, Attorney General John Aschroft announced a new alert color today (Bisque) which is expected to fill a previously unremarked gap between yellow and orange.

<-- Removed As Per Sealed Court Order -->


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HEADLINES
THE NATION
Air Force Academy To Begin Veiling Female Cadets
Bush Expected To Seek Key Role In Apocalypse
Survey Says 44% of Americans Prefer Not To Think
INTERNATIONAL
Administration Declares End To Major Combat Operations In N. Korea
Karzai Regains Control Over Reserved Parking Spot
France to Become "Le Pays de la Liberté": Demands Royalty On "Freedom Fries"
LEISURE
Fred Durst's Last Shred Of Dignity Now A Free Download On Kaza
Vapid Ben Affleck & J.Lo Romance Leaves Public Chattering About Dead People
Man Unfazed To Discover Downloaded Britney Spears Nudes Are Faked
© 2003 Standard Times Tribune Ltd.